


Crack!Conflagration (Part Three)

by Amahami



Series: Conflagration [3]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Gen, If it is posted elsewhere it was stolen, This work is only posted on AO3, Wisdom Teeth, previous suicide attempt, unedited, writing while inebriated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22304995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amahami/pseuds/Amahami
Summary: "Ugh, people are terrible. And bucky was sure his jaw had crunchies in it, buthe knew he couldn’t touch his jaw or everthing would be fucked . Again. Except worse. Crunch runch pain hurt scar?"I had my wisdom teeth out a few days ago, and last night I apparently wrote the next part of my Conflagration series. It's crack. Complete and utter crack.Bucky is basically babbling in his mind. That's it. It's hilarious.(This is not a canonical part of the series; Can be read alone)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers
Series: Conflagration [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595668
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Crack!Conflagration (Part Three)

**Author's Note:**

> I have left this completely unedited for your enjoyment - I haven't been able to stop smiling from reading this since I found it about 30min ago, and smiling is excruciating. 
> 
> Important things to know if you're reading this as a standalone:  
> -Bucky and Steve are hiding in Morocco while they're trying to get Bucky's shit at least sort of together  
> -They've been living together in this location for maybe a couple weeks?  
> -Bucky is mute  
> -Bucky previously attempted suicide by drinking bleach, and Steve saved him by performing a frankly absurd amount of medical procedures on him.

??????” steve said with a look.

Smaepale. I feel like shit,you do this to me?

Nah, “ Steve said, “ I’m not one’athose shits pots stains. I’m a good. Hyou drank loads of a blecah meate. Had ot do so muc hwork to get youto live. Why’d you do that, man? You’re my best mate, and we’ve been living in this shitbole together for like a week.

“Yeah but hdra fucks.”

“True, Buckk, true. I thought I had them on theropes all those years ago, ya know? But it turns out, they clothineslinged me or something. Sorry. And you feel and I fcked up, and I drave into the cold. Because of you. I missed you. I lvoe you mate.”

“Who am I?” bucky asked.

Steve wept. “You’re everything, bro>”

“I know, bro, but what’s my goddamned name, idiot?”

“Bucky.”

Steve contineud to weep.

“Bcky. My name is Bucky. What a stupid fucking nema. I’m going by James now.”

Steve cackeled. “That’s your name!”

Bucky grownedled “You said my name was Bucky, ,vwho the fuck do you think you are, you punk faced son of a-” Bucky stopped dead. He couldn’t call sarah that. “Wait, who’s sarah?”

“”Mhy mom, bastard.”

“Oh, okay. How do I know your mom?”

“She’s my mom.”

“Yes but why?”

“I came outta her pootie dummy.”

“Who you are calling a pootie dumbspeter.?”

“You, dipshit.”

“Me? Why me???”

“Because you called a mom my stupid.”

  
“Did not.” Bucky said, upset.

“Did so! And see, here, you fucked me upen, because you fucked stupid.”

“Why would I fuck stupid when I am stpuid?”

Steve pause to consider this. “Okay, you got me there. Sorry. Can we try again?”

Bucky shrugged, except that opened like all his wounds and he screamed.

“Good thing we’re in this abandoned construction building tower huh? Or else hydra would have foundus from that because we’re stupid and you’re half dead.”

“Conform. Control. Cobalt. Comply. Complyh. Compply.” Bucky said monocolously.

“The cuck?” steve shouted, taking hold of Bucky’s shoulders, where he was blaring like a slsarm ssytem.

Sleep fucker!” steve said, shaking Bucky, trying to sleep.

“I can’t, steve, I need my teeth!” he shouted, teeth .

“I know! Let me open your mouth!” steve shouted back.

“No!” Bucky shouted, and steve shoted a few fingers into his mouth. It wasn’t sexy. Bucky’s jaw hurt. He thought it’d be less painful to break his jaw. He felt his muscles in his face swelling and he wanted to drink bleach, escept he thought that’d be a bad idea. Maybe he did thattoo recentlyf. But that meant it’d work right?

Bucky tried to sit up, except there were fingers in his mouth, and what the ruck? He tried to throw the person on him off, butthere was a grunt and he dcouldn’t move and dokc.k What was he supposed to do with a his best mate in his damn mouth? He loved him and who was he? What waw smemory? What was consciousness? Sure not me, that’sfor sure. I sure wish I would stop hurting. Bucky thought.

If only hudra fucked off for a while, wow. Hydra is terrible and nazis are terrible, and why couldn’t Bucky just fuckingsleep already? He hadn’tslept in decades ,adn he wished he waere only joking and hyperfossilising.

Ugh, people are terrible. And bucky was sure his jaw had crunchies in it, buthe knew he couldn’t touch his jaw or everthing would be fucked . Again. Except worse. Crunch runch pain hurt scar?

Someone was shoting, and he couldn’t understand everhting. His head was pusling, but his heart was beating wayfaster ??? Science how???? Malala did shit, he knew she was the brilliant mastermind behind all the intelligent shit, and godds but hewished his jaw would stop hurting, whyh was someone in his mouth, ,why wouldn’t htyev getout, were thehy a baby? Was he growing a baby? No, implssible. Even if uterus, was not in his mouth.

Bt how to get rid of situation? Probably bite it all off. He bit down as hard as he could and he felt several teeth break as they came ito contact with ???steve????? Not seteve. Steve died like a hundred hyears ago, shortly afterhe did. Except hydra brought him back because they’re merciful. And he must show them how grateful he is or- .

So he stood up despite all the raging pain he was in. And like, that was way more than usual, which was saying something. We ned to boil rice or make glue or something, to why? So tired, need sleep, safely first, sleep is for squares, but who is a square? I’m not, but I wantsleep. Who what whne where why how school taught tis so bujt construction nearby elizabeth’s how to save? And then read that one series I know by name, only one, except I can’t remember it so what’s my purpose. My jaw hurts and there’s fingers in it and steve is dead but steve is here and dhydra is awful and teerrible nazis but they saved me bucky here gotta show them gratitutde or they’ll take it away and no longer be merciful. And what of poor Ntashas? Gotta save her, she’s my baby. Not literal baby, she is not my daughyter, but I need to protet her for some reason, not going to question it, even though it’s a claear drap, because I ‘m a sipshit, like steve. Myh steve =who is dead. Who died in decades ago, and my baby is suffereing and I want to take her away but they won’t let me; warn me that if I don’t stop asking about it, they’ll separate us and zap both of our brains. Except her brain won’t hold jup to it, and will just melt, and she will die. And I love her too much for that, my baby, my natasha. My matryoshka. I love her so much, and I am so pathetic without her, and my steve. My steve who is dead and left me and left died decades ago. But everyone says i’m ujder 30, how could steve hadve died decades ago if now i’m alive and udner 30 and decades ago everyone says?

No sense, doesn’t make any, wtf how ?

Insides hrt, but especially jaw, wow , the pain, the tired, the exhaust, stinky sinkty room. One of the girls shit again? Bed? Shouldn’t be arrested into place at their bed, or bed shit. Little girls have little bladders and they can’t hold it, shouldn’t be punished, hate this so much, hate it. But if I stry to save them we’ll all be killed, and I need to protect them, how do I protect them, how do I protect them?

What if I accidentaly don’t save this, or save it wrong, or send it someplace and it ends up in the wrong hands? What if they killl her for it, form y transgressions? What if she’s already dead and it’s only a matter of time before I am,too? I love her dearly, and want to save her from the life bt I suscpect i’m too late, and she’ll be dead before I can even consider what I wantt to say to her, really, but. I don’t know. Am I worth it, am I laive , will she accept me, will she ever not hate me for ruining her life?

Was it me who rujied her life, or was it the red room or hdra or the commandos? Who are the commandos are and whyh do underwear matter here? Gotta fix the wordl somehow, but i’m stuck with hydra who saved me I guess because steve was dead and they thought they could do better. And steve wasdead so I allowed it, but steve was eaddead and I was dead and they knew I was dead, which is why they let me have Natalia bcecause she’s a punky little girl and I love her, and complianc is mandatory, and tis is the only way to for sure be able to get it, because fuck my life, I don’t have a shit about it, but Natalia? So much. Love her and no suffering forher. Just. Want to koala her and hide her away from all this stuff, but they won’t let me ; keep warning me of the consequences of if I do something so immature. And that makes me want t od oit, but the lockpicking lawyer says no, bad, badbad, but she needs a place to liv,e and how I do that without a lawer? I can’t. I know I can’t. And I feel so bad. But my jaw has finally sotpped so bad an I love her so much,adn I just want to wiggle my way through buttholes thogether, just perfect, exactly what I meant.

Why are there shoes? I don’t knweeed shoes?? focoals are fine and I love her my feet are so hot on pavement, how did I skip blister and go right to bleeding? Same as before, I ‘m so frsutrated, how do I help her?

Gotta save – steve???? Dead. Jojo? Dead. Nana? Dead. No, natasha alive. Where is she? She’s somehwere and I wish I still had the dertracker I had on here for thousands of miles but she trust s me like she clint and I trust her with all her secrets and mine and I love her dearl and want to protect her but she doesnt want to be protected and s othere isn’t much else can do.

Can’t foxus, want to help,too brian bad. Trying to keep myself away, nuti already have another fil is later, but tnot this one, this one is amaizng, but so much capral tunnel, I Have never picked a lock but I have watched enough I think I can, butI only have one hand right now, and but a few fingers.

So much neck pain, why is iteveen there if I wasn’t going to be fucked over in the end, so it’s only a mattmer of time nefore I got= over and try to oppose it there.

Did I break my fucking collarbone or something? This is so much pain, I should have been paying attantion, this is whh you don’t do whatever it isthat we do. We hav so mEcet that i’m bored and dno’t want to weird fjgetnot a good enogh tradedddkk left is left???? And write

should getlalllnotin itmek, she grew out of crayohns what was at the top?? Oriigiinally dresses and I didn’t know she oculd like dresses, I wasnt allowed to, and I would need to dra==ankeno imargo??? Mabe I don’t knowwhat if I don’t do know much but I i-aesthetics blueberry in bottle sdoa callled pop, huh, wow, how did that hapepeepen?

**Author's Note:**

> And there you have it! 
> 
> I have no idea how many or how few of these ideas I'll use in the canonical installations, but I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. :)


End file.
